Transgressions
by callistawolf
Summary: The Doctor has made a huge mistake. He would do anything to take it back. And more than anything else, he needs Rose Tyler to forgive him.


Chapter 1

"What did you do with her?"

The Doctor cringed. Seeing his expression, Rose's already pale face dropped another shade.

"Did you _fuck_ her?"

Her words were like ice and he felt his heart sink into his toes. _Oh God. What had he done?_

"Rose, I-I..." he broke off, for once absolutely and truly unsure of what he should say next.

"Fuck you!" And before he could blink, her palm broke across his cheek in a slap so _hard_ that for a moment he saw stars dance before his eyes. His hand instinctively went up to cradle the stinging flesh. And he knew he definitely deserved that.

They stood in the living room of the flat they had been sharing for the last six months, facing each other in front of the sofa. The same spot where they'd had their row the night before.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Rose." Never before had those words sounded so utterly useless in his own ears. Oh sure, he meant every word. But he knew they couldn't even begin to cover the sum of his transgressions. He didn't know if anything could.

"That's it?" she asked, her voice shaking with hurt and anger. There were tears on her cheeks, he noticed, and he hated himself so thoroughly for having put them there. "That's all you have to say about it?"

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "It was a mistake. A big mistake. We'd had that fight and you were so angry. And I had to... go. I had to give you some room. And I needed some room. I ended up at the pub, with Jake and Charlie and they bought me a few rounds and... well..." he trailed off ineffectually.

She wrapped her arms around herself, looking so lost and alone that he wanted to gather her up in his arms and tell her it was going to be alright. But how could he do that if he didn't even know if it was true? "And you just ran into her? She was just some random bird in the pub?" He didn't miss the note of disgust in her voice.

"I don't... remember much. Never been good at holding my liquor, me," he chuckled nervously but Rose didn't look amused in the least. He cleared his throat before he continued. "But yes, she was in the pub. I don't really remember what happened to be honest. I'd drank so much, I was so upset about our fight. When I woke up this morning, I was... in her flat."

Rose was silent, looking at a spot on the wall, tears still streaming down her face and her chin still trembling. Oh, what a fool he was. How could he have done this to her? Why had he ever walked out of their flat in the first place? It had just been a stupid fight. Their worst yet, to be sure, but still so stupid. All over him not wanting to work for Torchwood. And not wanting _her_ to work for Torchwood. It was the same fight that they had been having for the last six months since he'd arrived in this universe. It had boiled to a head and he had stormed out. What had he been _thinking_?

"Rose, I wish I could take it back. You have no idea how much. The thought that I've hurt you... it's _killing_ me." And it was true that the guilt was eating its way through his body, burning and aching and causing his heart to twist in his chest so tightly that he was having a hard time catching his breath. And then there was the little voice in the back of his head that told him, _**He**_ _wouldn't have done this to her._ _**He**_ _wouldn't have shagged some other woman._ _**He**_ _was a better man than you._

And oh, that voice was so right. _He_ was a better man and his heart lurched again when he wondered just what _he_ would say to him if he knew what he had done. Quite frankly, he felt he would rightly deserve the punch in the nose that he is sure he would have gotten. He nearly wished for that punch right now, something to take the focus off of what was happening to his single, cheating heart.

"I don't know, Doctor. I don't know if I can forgive this." He could barely hear her, her voice was so quiet.

He knew in that moment that he couldn't bear to live this life without her by his side. He had to do whatever it took to make this up to her.

"Rose, I love you," his voice broke as he spoke. "Please, give me a chance. That's all I ask. I've been such an ass. Inexcusable, really. Just don't shut me out. Please."

Fresh tears tracked down her face at his words, but she finally lifted her eyes to meet his. The betrayal he saw there humbled him like nothing ever had before. But he could also see feeling there. She wouldn't be so hurt if she didn't still love him, right? He had to believe that.

"I can't just turn my back on you. On... on us," she admitted. "But we need some time to work through this. I need time to forgive you."

Her words gave him such hope that he swore he could feel his heart swell with it. For the first time that whole miserable day, he grinned. "Oh, anything, Rose. I'll do whatever you need to do."

"I need to go to Mum and Dad's. I can't stay in this flat with you right now." And now his stomach fell again. Rose, leave their flat? Him, here alone? When she saw his expression she continued, "Just for now. Just until... until I can forgive you. Please, I need to do this."

He nodded. He understood, he really did. He didn't like it but, well, he really should have thought about it before he let his hormones and alcohol-induced lack of judgement get the better of him. Really, he deserved far worse. Rose was giving him a _chance_ and he wasn't about to turn away from it now.

"I know," he said, his voice sounding hollow in his own ears. There was silence for a moment before he added, "Can I see you? Like... maybe can we go on a date? Or two?" Or three. Or twenty.

She considered that. "That might be a good idea. But give me a few days, yeah?"

A few days. He could do a few days. Sure thing. He hoped. Still, he nodded at her and smiled as gently as he could. She didn't meet his smile but she did nod back at him which he took as a good sign.

He helped her pack, as best he could. He fetched the suitcase off the top shelf of the wardrobe where she couldn't reach. He brought her favorite shampoo and conditioner from the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her fold shirts and blouses and trousers and place them neatly in the suitcase. It was agonizing, of course. Watching her pack and then walk out the door. And he vowed silently to himself that he would never, ever watch her walk away from him like this again.

He was a clever man, after all. The cleverest in the universe, if he wasn't mistaken. Why, if anyone could think of a way to win back Rose Tyler's heart and trust, it was him.

Chapter 2

She'd told him not to follow her downstairs. She didn't want some scene on the curb where some lucky paparazzi could catch a photograph of Vitex Heiress and her cad boyfriend having it out for posterity. Plus, she didn't want one more opportunity leap into his arms and pretend like everything was okay.

The cab she'd phoned was waiting anyhow and she climbed in with her suitcase before she had a chance to lose her nerve. She gave the driver her parents address and sank back into the seat with a heavy sigh.

She'd worried so much last night when he hadn't come home after their fight. She'd expected he'd gone to the pub, he often did go join the boys when the mood struck him. Most times she joined him but after their row, she'd known he needed to go blow off some steam. And frankly, she had been ready for him to be gone. But then the hours had crept on and he hadn't come home. She had started to worry, as you do when a loved one isn't where you expect them to be. Visions of hospitals and flashing lights and blood crowd your thoughts until you think you might go mad. Still, she likes to think she waited a respectable amount of time before dialing Jake's mobile.

He'd been reluctant to tell her, which she had of course recognized and which of course had automatically set her nerves on a different sort of edge. "He was here, Rose. He had quite a bit to drink. We bought him a few rounds, listened to him whinge about your fight. But then he kept ordering drinks and tossing them back. Charlie and I didn't know what to do."

"Where is he now, Jake?" she'd asked sharply. She'd been angry that Jake had let him get out of his sight.

"He left..." Jake had paused. There had been a long silence and she had heard Charlie on the other end of the line murmur something before he had continued. "He left with a girl, Rose. She'd come up to him at the bar and was flirting with him and he flirted back and before long she was leading him out of there."

Rose's heart had lurched as she had pictured the scene. Her stomach had twisted unpleasantly. "Why didn't you stop him, Jake?" she had asked, her voice low but steady.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I should have. We should have. I didn't think... I think think that he would, you know?

Oh, it wasn't Jake's fault. She knew that. Still, she had held out hope. She clung to that hope as she had clung to his pillow that night, trying in vain to fall asleep. She dreamed of that hope after she had finally dropped off just before the sky had begun to lighten in the east. She had woken up with that hope hours later when she'd heard his key turn in the lock to their flat.

But then... Well. She'd asked him straight out. And his answer had been pretty fucking clear. Her palm still itched slightly from the slap she'd landed on his face. The acorn doesn't fall far from the mama tree, she thought bitterly. She was surprised at how hitting him had done nothing to make her feel better. Quite the contrary.

She swallowed thickly, watching the sights of London zip by the windows of the cab. Oh, he'd been sorry alright. His remorse was right there on his sleeve. And a part of her that she felt rather ashamed of at that moment had wanted to soothe him. Even after his transgression, after he had thrown their relationship out the window, she still loved him. She loved him so much that it consumed her, burning through her body and mind with such a fervor that she worried she might lose herself in him if she wasn't careful.

So she'd had to leave. As much as her heart screamed out for her to stay, to hold him, to put it all in a drawer to deal with it _later_ , she knew she'd had to put some distance between them. If there was ever any hope of them recovering from this, any hope of coming back stronger so that _this_ never happened again, she had to go. It was killing her to do it, but it would torture her not to.

The cab finally pulled up in front of her parents' sizable estate. She was finally starting to think of the sprawling manor and surrounding grounds as a home of sorts. She had even lived here for her first year in the parallel world. It wasn't the home, she knew. It was the people inside.

Rose retrieved her suitcase and paid the driver. The sun was starting to dip beneath the trees to the west of the property as she trudged up to the door. She hadn't called her mum to let her know she was coming; she hadn't trusted her voice on the phone. She had no doubt she would be welcomed in for as long as she wanted. But she found she was intensely dreading the explanation. Opening the front door as quietly as she could, her stomach twisted again.

She set her suitcase down next to the staircase and followed the sound of voices back to the sitting room. Her parents were sitting on the sofa, watching an evening news program while Tony sat on the floor at their feet playing with a set of building blocks. It all looked so domestic and _normal_ that she felt her throat close up with tears. She must have made a noise because her mum's head whipped around and she caught sight of her in the doorway.

Jackie was up in a flash and at Rose's side. She wondered what her face must look like to put her mum on the alert so quickly. "Rose! What are you doing here? What's wrong?" She had been trying to hold it all in for so long, that at her mum's gentle concern she finally fell apart.

"Oh, Mum," she sobbed, clutching at her mother's shoulders.

Jackie cast a look over her shoulder at Pete and gestured to him. Then she was leading Rose away to the formal parlor. Shutting the french doors that connected the room to the great hall, she urged Rose onto the divan and sat next to her.

"What's going on? Where's himself?" Jackie asked, smoothing Rose's hair back.

"He-He's back at the flat." She hiccuped. "I left him."

Her mum's mouth fell open as she registered the shock. But then her eyes blazed and she snapped her jaw shut. "What has he done?"

Rose chuckled without mirth. And that was her mum. It would never even occur to her that maybe the instigator was her own daughter. Of course, in this situation, she was quite right. But it still tickled her a bit that she was nothing but loyal to her only daughter.

She took a deep breath. Better to be out with it and have it done. "He slept with someone else last night."

"What?!" Jackie's voice rose several octaves.

"We had a bad row last night, both of us got pretty angry. He stormed out and went to the pub. He ended up getting drunk and going home with some girl there. He didn't come home until this morning." She expelled the air she hadn't known she was holding in her lungs.

"I can't believe he'd do that..." her mum murmured, her eyes wide as she surveyed her.

"Me either. But he admitted to it. Oh, Mum, he seems so sorry. He was so upset. He wants to make it up to me, to make it better. But I just had to get out of there. I needed some distance." Rose could feel fresh tears track down her cheeks.

"Did you at least crack him one?"

"Mum!"

"Did you?"

She nodded. "I did. I was just so... so angry. How could he do that to us?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. He is just a bloke, after all. A mostly human one now to boot. I know it doesn't excuse what he did, but men can be rather daft. I don't begin to pretend I understand what goes through their thick heads sometimes." She paused and regarded her closely. "How do you feel about it? About him?"

She sucked in a breath. "I feel betrayed. Of course. I feel like he's ripping my heart in two. I-it scares me, that he could even do it at all." She paused and picked at the ornamental pillow next to her on the divan. "And at the same time, I still love him. Maybe that's why this hurts so much."

"Oh, Rose. Of course you still love him." Jackie gathered her close in a hug.

When she let go, her demeanor was purposefully lighter. "We're about to have dinner in a few. Are you joining us?"

Dinner with her family was probably the last thing she wanted at that moment. "I think I'd rather just be alone for a bit. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay, sweetheart. I'll have Pam bring up a plate to your room. You need to eat something, I doubt you've had a bite all day."

It's true, she hadn't. The way her stomach had been rolling, food couldn't have been less appealing. Still, she knew her mum was right, that she needed to eat. "That would be perfect. Thanks, Mum."

With one last hug, she exited the parlor and, grabbing her suitcase, headed up the stairs. Her room was just as it always was. She didn't stay at the house very often, especially not now that she and the Doctor were tucked cozily away at their flat in the city. And of course, they weren't tucked cozily anywhere together at the moment. And the last time she had been in this room, it had been with him (that night after the Vitex Christmas party last month, both of them had been buzzed with champagne and very much in the mood and the bedroom upstairs had seemed so much more convenient than a frustrating car ride home to the flat).

With a heavy sigh, she set her suitcase down on the chair next to the door and then flopped herself onto the bed. Anguish and weariness overtook her and five minutes later when Pam knocked on her bedroom door to deliver her the plate of food, she pushed it open to find Rose fast asleep on top of the covers. The maid set the plate down on the vanity and quietly left the room.

Transgressions

The Doctor sat at the desk in his classroom. The room was dark but for the light filtering through the bank of windows to his right. The last class had just been dismissed and he was going through some of the tests on his desk, shuffling them into his briefcase and his mind was utterly and completely someplace else.

He couldn't believe he had just let her walk out the other day. He'd been so afraid to push her, to urge her to stay because maybe if he pushed too hard, he'd lose her for good. But having her gone just felt _wrong_. His heart ached in a way it hadn't ached since... well, since he lost her at Canary Wharf.

He should have said something, done something to make her want to stay. The problem being that even now, days later, he had no idea what he could have done to change her mind. He had no idea what he could do from here on out. All he knew was that he was utterly hopeless without her.

He let his head drop forward into his hands. Why did he have to be such a flirt? And why did he, when faced with his own negative emotions, have to seek out someone to distract him from himself? This may have been the first time he'd officially "cheated" on Rose (or anyone, really), but he recognized this as a common thread with himself. A list of women rattled off in his head, each of them being someone he had reached out for to fill his needs. The chief difference between then and now being, he thought wryly, those were chaste for the most part. Saturday night had been, by all reports,... decidedly _less_ chaste.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

The Doctor lifted his head and resumed stuffing papers into his briefcase. He wasn't thrilled at the idea of returning to an empty flat right now, but he didn't see what other choice he had. A horrible thought suddenly occurred to him; what if Rose never came back to him? What if this was what his life was to be from here on out? Lonely dinners at the flat, late night talk shows, filling the days with work and mindless pursuits. _And no Rose._ Oh, he couldn't bear the thought.

A cough from the doorway snapped him out of his own mind. He looked over, expecting to see a fellow teacher but instead saw the imposing figure of one Jackie Tyler. His mouth went suddenly and alarmingly dry.

She looked furious, quietly so. She crossed the room to his desk and he stood to face her, awkwardly shuffling his feet. "Jackie... wasn't expect-"

He was interrupted by the crack of her palm across his face and he staggered backwards a bit. _Sweet mercy_. The Tyler women certainly had a knack for that. As he recovered, he wisely kept his mouth shut.

"How could you?" Jackie finally bit out the words. Words he'd actually been asking himself. "How could you do that to my daughter? I trusted you."

Her words stung. He scrubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know, Jackie. I've never wanted to hurt her."

"That's all well and good but you _have_ hurt her. She's barely come out of her room since she came to the mansion. She's devastated. _You_ did that."

"I didn't mean to-" He cut himself off, knowing that argument was pointless. "It's killing me, Jackie. It's killing me to know I did this to her."

"I'm glad," she told him spitefully. "You _should_ feel awful about this. What you did was inexcusable."

He nodded. "I still can't believe it. I only love _her_ . I only want _her_. She is my life and has been for many years now. And now... I don't think I can make it without her." He could hear the tears he was trying to keep at bay working their way into his voice.

Jackie's expression softened almost imperceptibly. "Oh sweetheart," she breathed, looking resigned. Startled, he looked at her. She barked out a quick laugh. "You forget! You're family now, like it or not. I may be furious with you for what you did, but you're still like a son to me."

He relaxed a bit then, smiled even. "Jackie, what do I do? How can I fix this?"

She closed her eyes and touched her fingers to her temple as if trying to ward off a headache. "I really don't know. She loves you, I know she does. But I don't think she trusts you anymore. And love without trust... well... you're not going to get terribly far."

"Why did you come here today? I know it wasn't just to slap me."

She smiled at that. "No, that was just a bonus. I came to see what your intentions were."

"I want her back, Jackie. I want her to trust me again. I want to make this all up to her."

"You're going to have to take it very slowly. Rome wasn't built in a day, after all." She looked at him sharply. "And don't you go telling me that you know that, that you were there or something."

He chuckled. "Take it slow, I suppose I can do that." He was unsure, mostly because he knew his impatient nature had only become more so since the metacrisis. But if anyone was worth trying for, it was Rose. "Do you think I could call her tonight? Would she talk to me?"

Jackie bit her lip and looked thoughtful. "I think she _should_ , if that counts. Tell you what, give her mobile a ring around 8 o'clock. I'll urge her to talk to you. Just... Just be careful. Take it easy and don't push too much on her, okay?"

He smiled warmly at her. Thank heavens for Jackie Tyler. "I will." As Jackie left, he found he was already running through potential topics of conversation in his head. He was nervous about spooking her but more than anything else, he couldn't wait to hear her voice again.

He absolutely was NOT counting down the minutes until 8 pm. He was not looking at the clock every five minutes. And he was absolutely not so entirely wrapped up in the expectation of talking to Rose on the phone that he barely tasted the curry takeout he'd picked up for dinner.

Well. Maybe a little.

He wanted to hear her voice again so badly. It'd been just three days since she had walked out of their flat. Three excruciating days. He wondered if she missed him half as much as he missed her. He wondered if she was sleeping or eating. Then he worried that maybe she wasn't missing him at all. Oh, he was going to drive himself mad if he kept thinking about this.

He checked the clock on the wall again. 7:50. Calling now would probably be jumping the gun. He decided to kill some more time by getting ready for bed. He ambled back to the bedroom, pulling on his tie as he went. He slipped out of his suit, hanging it and his Oxford carefully in the wardrobe. He struggled not to notice the empty spots where most of Rose's clothes usually hung. He reached out and ran his fingers along a dress that she had left behind. It was a satin red number, she'd worn it to a Vitex fundraiser just a couple weeks ago. She had looked absolutely stunning in it, the luxurious fabric hugging her curves and revealing tantalizing peeks at her shoulders, her back, her arms… He couldn't help but recall how he had peeled the dress off of her at the end of the evening, leaving it in a puddle on the floor.

Sighing, he shut the wardrobe and crossed to the low dresser along the wall under the window. He opened a drawer, removed a pair of pyjama bottoms, and pulled them on over his boxer briefs. He crossed the room to the en suite and washed his teeth quickly, rinsing his mouth with water. He surveyed his appearance briefly, noting the shadows under his eyes. He just didn't sleep well without her here.

Back in the bedroom, he reclined on his side of the bed (the left side, closest to the door) and retrieved his mobile from the nightstand. He thumbed through his contacts until he got to Rose. Her smiling face greeted him as he brought up her information. He'd taken the shot just a week after they had arrived in this world together. They were having lunch at a sidewalk cafe, the phone was brand new and he had puzzled over the reality that he suddenly needed this very human piece of technology in his life. Rose had laughed at his indignation, never letting him take himself too seriously. He remembered how beautiful she had looked, sitting there in the sun, her tongue poking out of her teeth as she chuckled at him, her eyes dancing with mirth. They hadn't been intimate yet, that was still another week away. But the flirting had been amazing, plenty of dark looks, intentional touches, and innuendo laced teasing. He smiled at the memory, remembering how he had felt his whole life was laid in front of him with such promise. He had been so excited.

And now here he was, living in their flat alone. Sleeping alone. Not for the first time, he wondered at HOW he could have messed up so thoroughly. He loved Rose with every fiber of his being. Sure, he flirted a lot. He had flirted after he lost her all those years ago. He'd even kissed other women. But his hearts had still belonged solely to ROSE. He had even flirted here and there after the metacrisis, after coming to this world. It had always been completely innocent. He never would have, in a million years, dreamed of cheating on Rose. Rose was everything to him and they were perfect together, in bed and out of it. There was certainly nothing missing in their love life that he would have had to look for elsewhere. He couldn't understand why now, after he finally had everything he had always wanted but never hoped to have, why he would have thrown it all away.

It just didn't make sense.

He checked the time on the phone and saw it was 5 minutes after 8. No time like the present. He tapped the call button and waited nervously while the phone rang. He hoped that Jackie had been able to convince Rose to take his call.

"Hello?" a voice he knew all too well finally said in his ear. He relaxed visibly.

"Rose. Hi."

"Doctor," she said. Suddenly everything he'd been planning in his head all day long to say to her vanished from his mind.

"I miss you."

A pause. "I miss you, too."

Hope bubbled in him at that. He struggled to keep his voice even as he continued. "How have you been? What have you been doing?"

"Oh, the usual. Work." She paused again and he knew why. Their fight had been about work in the first place, after all. He didn't like her working at Torchwood. She was constantly in danger there. He wouldn't mind near as much if hers were strictly a desk job but Rose insisted on going into the field. One of these days, he feared, she would go into the field and never come back. But he certainly wasn't going to push the issue right now. Right now, he just wanted to be accepted back into her life. "What about you?" she asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Same thing. Oh, it's awful, Rose. Going to work and pretending everything is fine. And then I come back here and it's just so quiet and you're not here to share the day with."

"Doctor," she began. Her voice sounded suspiciously thick.

"I know I should play it cool, Rose," he interrupted. "I know I need to be careful and not to push you but I can't not tell you how I am feeling. I just miss you so damn much."

"Then why?" she asked, her voice stronger now. "Why did you do it?"

And that was the question, wasn't it? "I don't know, Rose. I honestly don't know. It doesn't make any sense. I would never want to do that to you. I would never want anyone but you. Ever."

He heard her catch of breath over the line and knew she was crying. He cringed.

"Rose, I love you. Only you."

"I want to believe you," she whispered.

"If I could go back and never go to that blasted pub that night, I would."

"But don't you see? It's not changing what happened, it's that you did it at all. That you _could_ do it. You say you love me and only me but you slept with another woman. You wanted to, whether you understand it or remember it or not."

He signed and raked a hand through his hair in frustration. How could explain to her that he didn't? He _didn't_ want to, not ever. "Rose, I don't."

"I want to believe you," she repeated. There was silence again and he struggled to keep himself calm.

"Can I see you? Take you to lunch or to dinner or anything? Please?"

"I don't know…"

"I need a chance to fix this, Rose. Please." There was a pause on the line before he went on. "Do you still love me?"

He waited what seemed like interminable seconds for her answer, holding his breath until his chest felt tight.

"Of course, I love you. If I didn't…" she stuttered. "If I didn't, this wouldn't hurt so much."

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Then please, let me try to fix this. Let me take you out on a proper date."

"Okay. You're right."

He smiled then. It was a start. "Is tomorrow night too soon?"

"No, it's not too soon." He could hear her smile over the line and his heart swelled.

"How about I pick you up from work and we can go to dinner?" he suggested. "What time are you off?"

"5:00. That works for me."

"Great. Thank you, Rose. I can't wait to see you."

"I'm looking forward to it too."

Oh, he hoped she meant that. They said their goodbyes and he switched off his phone. A smile was still lingering on his lips and he felt better than he had in days. He knew somehow that when he went to sleep that night, he would sleep so much better than he had been. And he knew he would dream of Rose.

Transgressions

As she walked back into Torchwood Tower with her co-worker Sandi after lunch, Rose Tyler felt as untroubled as she had all week. While she was reluctant to admit it, she knew it was largely because of her impending date with the Doctor later that night. She didn't _want_ to be so happy to be seeing him again. She wanted to hold onto her hurt and anger, at least for a little while longer. Her hurt and anger were important, they kept her safe. She was so afraid of losing herself. She had to remember that, excited as she was about her date.

It was hard to remember that when she missed him so much. She'd been terribly distracted during her lunch with Sandi. Normally, the two of them giggled and bantered and talked about everything when they took their lunch together like this. But today, Rose's attention had been definitely divided. The worst part was she hadn't even been able to explain herself to Sandi when confronted with her distraction. She hadn't told a soul at work about what was going on. Jake and Charlie knew most of it, but only because of their involvement in the events. She really didn't want anyone to know, mostly because she was so embarrassed by it.

The two of them exited the lift on their floor and walked to their offices. It was actually more of a collective of offices, glorified cubicles set up in a larger room that she shared with the rest of her team. As they walked into the room, they both called out hellos to Charlie, Jake and Geoff. Sandi crossed the room to her own desk and Rose headed to her own.

"Uh, Rose? Something came for you while you were at lunch," Jake said as she passed his desk. "I was here, so I intercepted. It's on your desk." The look he gave her was pointed which piqued her interest.

"Thanks, Jake," she said, hurrying now to her desk.

And there, on top of her latest stack of paperwork, lay a single fairy cake. On the top was a sprinkling of what could only be described as edible ball bearings.

Her heart caught in her throat as she tenderly picked it up. A smile played around her lips as she regarded the small treat. Leaving this here for her like this, it was a gesture that was so perfectly _him_ that she felt a giggle bubble up in her throat unconsciously. She gently peeled back the wrapping and took a bite. Of course, it was sinfully delicious and the taste evoked such a strong sense memory that she could almost see the fireworks when she closed her eyes to savor the tangy, sweet flavor.

That man. How was it he knew exactly what to do? How was it that he knew her so well?

It was then that she spied a folded slip of paper the fairy cake had been sitting on top of. She set the cake down, picked the note up, unfolded it and read.

 _I miss you. See you tonight._

 _-D_

Her belly twinged pleasantly. Oh, the effect he had on her. She knew he knew it too. Suddenly, she very much could not wait for the clock to reach 5:00pm.

It was barely past 5 when her mobile vibrated against her hip. She fished it out of her pocket and read the text message. _I'm downstairs. Can't wait to see you._ She thrilled and hurriedly tried to tamp down the feeling. It wouldn't do to start out this evening on the wrong note. She knew how easy it would be to let it all go and end up in bed with him and she was determined not to go down that road.

She quickly texted back that she would be down in five minutes and, slipping her phone back into her pocket, started to gather her things and clear her desk. Nervously, she smoothed her hair and checked her reflection in a pocket mirror she kept in her purse. She caught Jake in the reflection, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Hot date?" he asked as she tucked the mirror back into her purse.

She made a face. "Date, yes. Hot, no."

Jake looked contemplative for a minute. "Tell him I said hi."

She gave him a small smile. "I will." Waving, she left for the bank of lifts.

She tried to calm her nerves as she rode the lift down to the lobby. Why was she nervous? It was the Doctor. They'd been on plenty of dates before. Consciously, she knew why this date was different. But she still couldn't reason out why her stomach was fluttering with butterflies.

Exiting the lift, she crossed the lobby to the wide doors that led to the street outside. She pushed through and saw him instantly. He was leaning against his sporty blue convertible parked at the curb, his legs crossed casually at the ankle and his hands thrust into the pockets of his trousers. And he looked so good that she wanted to cry. Then snog him senseless.

She flushed at the thought as she crossed over to him and jammed her suddenly itching fingers into her jacket pockets.

His grin was just as dazzling as ever. "Ready to go?" he asked. He looked as if he might want to hug her, or kiss her, or just touch her in any way but was making a conscious effort to hold himself back. She appreciated that.

"Yup. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," he said, waggling his eyebrows. He opened the car door for her and waited for her to arrange herself on the seat before closing it and rounding the car to the driver's side.

As he started the car and steered out into traffic, she couldn't help but notice the smell of him, a smell she hadn't even thought to miss until this very moment. It was warm and spicy and eternal. And the sense memory she got from it put the one from the fairy cake earlier to utter shame. Which reminded her…

"Thank you," she said. "For the fairy cake."

He smiled. "You're welcome." The fairy cake had been divine inspiration on his part. He'd wanted to do something special for her, give her a little gift to both soothe her hurt feelings, remind her of him and perhaps even remind her of a happier time. When he saw the fairy cakes in the window of the bakery he walked past on his way to the school that morning, he'd known it was exactly what he was wanting. A quick talk with the baker had resulted in the edible ball bearings. He'd had to hurry over to Torchwood from the school on his lunch break to drop the cake off and then back to school again before classes resumed but apparently the effort had been worth it. He glanced over to see her smiling prettily over the memory. "That's one of my favorites, by the way," he added, almost as an afterthought.

"Hmm? Favorites?"

"Favorite memories. Well, not being sucked into a child's drawing. That wasn't so wonderful. But the rest of it was truly one of my best adventures. We had so much fun on that one… playing detective. And then the torch! But the best part was you. You handed me that fantastic fairy cake and then I hugged you and then the fireworks… Truly, a perfect night."

She fell quiet and he glanced at her again. The expression on her face told him that maybe that was one of her favorite memories too.

Oh, he was having such a hard time not reaching across to rest his hand on her knee like he would normally do. Just like he'd struggled not to embrace her outside of Torchwood. He wanted so _badly_ to feel her. This body, this mostly human body of his, was so focused on touch and sensation and _her_. He had thought he'd ached for her before, when he'd been a full Time Lord. Turns out, that had been but a drop in the bucket by comparison. Needing to touch her consumed him constantly. But he knew he had to proceed at her speed and let her set the pace.

He pulled up in front of a little restaurant located just on the riverbank. The valet attendant came to his side of the car and he tossed him the keys as he unfolded himself from the sports car. Another attendant was simultaneously opening the door for Rose and the Doctor dashed around the car to offer her his hand to hold while she got out. She was looking up at the restaurant with unveiled interest. "This is that new seafood place everyone has been talking about, isn't it?"

"Yes. I know you've been wanting to try it."

She beamed at him then, setting his nerve endings ablaze. "Thank you! This is perfect."

He offered her his elbow and she hooked her arm through his. Together, they entered the restaurant and the Doctor gave his name to the hostess. A moment later, they were shown to a table located next to a large picture window. Outside, the river flowed past, lights twinkling off the water in the early twilight. The ambiance was perfect. Rose's smile as she took in the scene soothed his nerves. This was the right thing to be doing. Now he just had to concentrate on not mucking it up.

They kept the conversation light through dinner. She ordered lobster ravioli and he had the steak and scallops. They chose not to have wine and instead drank sparkling water. They talked about work, and about the weather, and the news and he asked about her family and she asked about his students. They avoided the topic of his infidelity, both of them trying so hard not to upset the precarious balance that now existed between them.

But at the same time, they weren't getting anywhere either. They were just running in circles around one another.

After they finished their meals, the Doctor inclined his head towards the window. There was some seating out on the verandah and a small dance floor was set up next to the tables. "Care to dance?" he asked.

She surprised both him and herself by nodding. She took his hand and he led her outside. The soft music that had been playing inside the restaurant was louder outside and two other couples were already swaying together on the dance floor.

He took her into his arms, resting his hands around her waist, pulling her up against him. She linked her arms around his neck but avoided meeting his gaze as they began to move to the music. He lowered his nose to her hair and breathed in the scent of her. It had been less than a week. Less than a week and he already was aching for her like it had been months. Years.

"I _miss_ you," he murmured in her ear. He distinctly felt her shiver against him and he pulled her closer.

"I miss you, too. But…" she trailed off and he pulled back enough to see her bite her lip.

"But?"

"I can't just let this go, Doctor. What happened- I can't forget it. I don't want to forget it."

"I know that, Rose. I do. I want you to believe that this… that what I did- It isn't me. I don't _do_ that. Not to you, not ever."

"But you did. _You_ did. You walked out on me and you did that. You left me, just like _him_." Her voice shook dangerously.

He gaped. Is that what he did? Is that what she thought? Was he? Was he just running still? "Rose, I- _Tell_ me what I can do to help you, to fix us."

"I think it's just going to take time."

He sighed in frustration. Oh, to have patience. "I'm rubbish without you, Rose."

She surprised him by smiling, but it wasn't an unkind smile. "I know. And I'm sorry. I'm not so great without you either, if you must know. And being here, tonight, with you…" She looked up into his eyes and touched her fingers to his face, tracing along his jaw. "It's so tempting."

He could feel his heart slamming in his chest at her touch. He knew he couldn't say what he wanted to. He knew that would be pushing her too much and too soon. Still, he could not help dipping his head down to hers, pausing for an exquisite moment, before brushing her lips with his own.

He half expected her to push him away, but instead he felt her fingers drift up in to his hair, holding his head as she returned the kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, one hand cradling the back of her head as he touched his tongue to her lips. She granted his unspoken request and he plunged his tongue into her mouth, stroking and teasing. The taste of her filled his senses and he was aware of his blood rushing from his head as he groaned into her mouth.

The sound must have startled her because in the next moment she removed her hands from his hair and was pushing against his chest. He broke the kiss reluctantly and she gasped. "No. Doctor, don't-" She kept pushing against him until he stepped back but he continued to watch her closely.

She lifted a hand to her mouth and he noticed her fingers were trembling. "I-I need to… I'll be right back." Then she turned and hurried back into the restaurant. He swallowed thickly, trying to tamp down his arousal. He returned to their table, paid the check and retrieved their coats. He deliberately kept his mind from the kiss as he stood by the front of the restaurant and waited for Rose to emerge from the restroom.

She came out a moment later, looking freshened up but still distinctly off balance. She didn't meet his eyes but gratefully shrugged on her coat as he held it out for her. Silently, they walked out to the curb and waited while the valet attendant retrieved the car. Once they were in the car and headed towards the Tyler mansion, he finally spoke. "I'm sorry, Rose. I shouldn't have done that."

He couldn't see her face in the dark and that bothered him. "Yeah, well… I kissed you back, didn't I?"

He tried not to smile at that. "Yes, but I shouldn't have pushed. I wanted to, so badly. But you said you need time. I need to give you time."

The Doctor sensed her turning to face him and again wished he could see her face. "Yes, you do. But so do I. I can't deny that I want to touch you to."

His heart thudded painfully in his chest at that. "Maybe we need- Perhaps our next date should be… chaperoned." Much as he hated not having her alone, he just didn't know if he could keep his hands off her if they were.

"Maybe so." He could hear the smile in her voice and he relaxed. She was on the same page as him. She wanted to work this out and she was struggling as much as he was. The realization of that was like a balm on his soul.

As he pulled into the driveway of her parents home, he reflected that maybe they could do this after all. Maybe he _could_ be patient and maybe she could forgive him. It was definitely worth the try. Transgressions

Chapter Notes

The Doctor has some questions about what happened at the pub. Plus, a revealing phone conversation with Rose moves things forward. Thanks to the FABULOUS SPECIAL_ userhead/795?v%3d1336994090-REPLACE_ME **who_in_whoville** for providing her fantastic services as a beta!

SPECIAL_ . /callistawolf/50148366/6428/6428_ -REPLACE_ME

The Doctor had sent Jake an email during his lunch break the day after his date with Rose. He wanted to talk to him about Rose, and about what had happened the prior Saturday night. He had invited him over to the flat after work for drinks and had felt a surge of relief when Jake had replied moments later saying he would bring some lager with him as long as the Doctor provided some nibbles. He could certainly do that.

He fished out a bag of pretzels from a cabinet and poured the contents into a bowl. Then he dumped some frozen appetizers onto a baking sheet and shoved that into the oven. Look at him, being domestic. Who said he couldn't make it on his own?

Sighing, he leaned back against the counter and rubbed a hand over his face. He did. He said. Rassilon, he missed her. He'd woken up that morning, hardly feeling rested for all the dreams he'd had of Rose all night long. Their date had been promising, but oh so frustrating. He'd gotten just enough of a taste of her to set his nerves on fire and whet his appetite. But that wasn't just it. He missed _her_ … her smiling face being the last thing he saw at night and the first thing he saw in the morning… the playful banter in the bathroom as they both got ready for work, brushing their teeth in unison and making faces at each other in the mirror… the way she would pack a lunch for him, making sure to include a nice, ripe banana and his favorite sandwich; ham and cheese… the way she'd kiss him goodbye when he'd drop her off at work before heading to the school.

This flat was so _empty_ without her.

A knock at the door startled him out of his reverie and he pushed off from the counter to answer it. Jake came sailing in, a pack of lager in each hand and a grin on his face. "Hey, Doc. How's it going?"

"It's going," he replied, following his friend into the kitchen. Jake set the lager on the counter and grabbed out a bottle, opening it with a bottle opener he fished out of the drawer next to him. He passed the bottle to the Doctor and then retrieved another bottle for himself. Grabbing the bowl of pretzels, they both walked to the living room and sat. Jake relaxed into the sofa while the Doctor sat on the armchair next to him.

"What'd you want to talk about?"

"First things first; how is Rose doing?"

Jake took a long drink from his bottle. "She's been better. Looking at you, I could say the same. But she seems fine."

He nodded. "That's good to hear." He drank long gulps. The lager burned on the way down his esophagus to his stomach.

"And?"

"I wanted to talk about Saturday."

Jake made a face. "What about it?"

"What do you remember?"

"What do _you_ remember? I think that's the important part."

The Doctor grabbed a handful of pretzels but didn't eat them just yet. "That's the thing. I don't. Remember, that is."

"What, do you mean 'anything'? You don't remember anything?" Jake shoved a few pretzels into his mouth while the Doctor ate one at a time out of his hand.

"I remember drinking with you and Charlie and I remember flirting with this girl." He swallowed. "I remember that things started getting really fuzzy."

"Well, you did have quite a bit to drink."

"I remember standing up and feeling the room pitch around. And the girl… god, I don't even know her name… she grabbed my arm to steady me. I remember her leading me away from the bar and I remember being outside. The fresh air felt fantastic. I think she put me in her car, because I can remember looking out the window and seeing street lights whipping past. Then I think we were at her place? I think she kissed me. And that's it. That's all I've got." He ate the rest of his pretzels and took another drink of his beer. A timer beeped in the kitchen and he got up to retrieve the appetizers from the oven.

Jake followed him into the kitchen. "That's it? Jesus, Doc, if I'd known you were that plowed I never would have let you leave with her. I don't know why I did anyhow. I think I was feeling a bit pissed myself and I just wasn't thinking." He paused, watching him set the appetizers on the countertop and turn off the oven. "But you don't remember anything else? You don't remember… doing anything?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Not a thing. Next thing I knew, it was morning and I woke up in a strange bed. She was in the kitchen, fixing tea and reading the newspaper."

Jake's brow furrowed as he popped a nibble in his mouth. "Were you undressed?"

He flushed. "I had my pants on, but that's it."

His friend hummed. "Any condoms? Wrappers or anything nearby?"

He blinked and tried to remember. "I don't remember anything. I don't think so. I don't know."

"And you were alone in the bed? What did she say when you spoke to her?"

"Not much… I found my clothes, she'd folded them and put them on the chair next to the bed, and put them on. I made a quick excuse and got out of there as fast as I could."

Jake put a few of the appetizers on a paper plate and walked back into the living room. The Doctor followed, interested by the contemplative look on Jake's face.

"Your clothes were folded, you say?" He drink some more lager and then asked, "Did you notice any… evidence… on yourself?"

Again, he flushed. "I didn't really take the time in her flat to look. I just wanted to get out of there. And I didn't take a shower here until after Rose walked out. I didn't pay too close attention but I don't recall anything extra-ordinary. Why are you asking?"

"Are you sure you slept with her?"

The Doctor's jaw dropped open. "Well why wouldn't I have?"

"Doc, you were pissed out of your skull. It almost sounds like you got to her place and then just passed out. She undressed you, set you up in her bed and that was that."

He didn't want to hope that it was true. "Why do you think so?"

"You were alone in bed, for one thing. You were wearing pants… if you'd had drunk sex you probably wouldn't have had the thought to put them back on. You didn't notice any evidence on yourself the next morning, didn't see any condoms or wrappers about. Your clothes were folded up waiting for you to put them on. And the biggest hint of all: you don't remember it. Tell me, Doc. You've had sex with Rose. Do you think you could ever just totally black that out?"

"Yeah but… That's _Rose_." He flushed again.

Jake grinned. "Doc, I'm sure Rose is amazing. But sex is sex. And even sub-par sex is at least somewhat memorable."

The Doctor could see Jake's point. Still, he was afraid to hope that what he was suggesting could be true. "How could I know? For sure?" he whispered.

Jake leaned forward from his seat on the sofa and clapped him on the back. "I suggest you find that girl from the pub and ask her. She'd know, most likely."

He made a face. Seeing that girl again was about the last thing he wanted to do. But he also wanted to know. He nodded and then smiled at his friend. "Thanks, Jake. You have no idea how glad I am you came over."

It was after 9pm when Jake left and for a moment, the Doctor wondered if it was too late to call Rose. But he quickly banished that thought. He wanted to talk to her, wanted to hear her voice. And he wanted to make sure that he stayed in her thoughts as well. Plus, he wanted to see if he could talk her into seeing him tomorrow.

He pulled his mobile out of his pocket and dialed her number. As it rang, he sat on the sofa and took another swig from his unfinished lager.

"Hello?" her voice said after a moment.

"Hi."

"Doctor. I wasn't expecting you to call."

"I missed you. And I wanted to thank you for last night."

"I should be the one thanking you," she said. "I miss you too."

"I didn't call too late, did I?" he asked.

"No, just sitting here reading through some reports. Not exactly an exciting Friday night. What are you up to?"

"Jake came over for some male bonding," he told her. He heard her chuckle. "Other than that, not a whole lot. We should have gone to a film or something."

"We should have," she agreed. Suddenly, he was kicking himself for not thinking of that plan sooner.

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

He heard her sigh. "I don't know, Doctor."

He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "Rose, you have to give me a chance. I can't make this better if you don't at least let me try."

"I know… I'm just scared."

He blinked. "Scared? Of what? Rose, I told you that I never want to cheat on you. You mean the world to me."

"I'm scared of how you are… with other women. It's kind of a… thing… with you."

He sputtered. "What do you mean?"

"Reinette." Her voice was soft and he cringed. "Lynda with a y. Lucy."

"Rose, they didn't mean anything near what you mean to me. Even then. I can't help if it women flirt with me, can I?"

"Yes, but you don't need to flirt back at them!" Her voice rose defensively.

"I don't mean to, honestly. I'm just trying to be nice."

"So you weren't flirting with Reinette?" she said, sounding deeply suspicious.

He swallowed and took another drink of his lager. She would have to keep going back to _her_ . Best to deflect as much as possible. "But she kissed _me_."

"You mean you _kissed_ her?"

Crap. He'd just assumed that's what she was referring to. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. "Well, er… like I said. She kissed me."

"I see. And then you… what? You danced with her? You didn't _dance_ with her, did you?" He knew she wasn't talking about spinning around the dance floor.

"No, Rose. I did not. I just went to a party, we shared a dance or two to make the King jealous. That's all."

"But you did flirt with her. I saw that much."

He cleared his throat. "Yes, I did flirt. I was scared, Rose. Why do you think I insisted Mickey come on board? I was afraid that I would… that _we_ would…"

"Would that have been so bad?" Her voice was soft again.

"Yes. I thought so, at least. If I let myself go _there_ , with you… I was scared of getting hurt." He laughed, a short harsh sound. "Fat lot of good that did. Got hurt in the end anyhow. And wasted precious moments I could have had with you. Stupid."

There was silence on the line for a moment. "Thank you. For telling me that." There was silence for another long moment and he took another drink from his bottle. "How much flirting did you do after… after Canary Wharf?"

He choked and set the bottle down on the table. Damn. He should have seen this coming. "A little," he admitted. Probably better to get this out of the way. And if it helped her forgive him…

"How much is a little?"

"I'd like to have it noted that it was all completely innocent on my part."

"You know, the really crazy part is that I believe you. If I hadn't seen it in action, I would never believe it." He could tell she was smiling and that relaxed him some. "So I guess the better question is: how many women did you kiss?"

Okay, maybe not so relaxed. "Uh…"

"That many, huh?"

He sputtered. "Well Astrid kissed me…"

"Mmhmm. Astrid, huh?"

"I swear. That was the Titanic. Christmas. Took me completely by surprise."

"I'm sure it did. Happens to you a lot, that." Her voice was dry and he could no longer judge if she was amused or annoyed.

"And Donna, that was to save my life."

"DONNA?"

"Yes, I'd accidentally drank some cyanide which of course would be fatal to humans. But being a Time Lord, I can metabolize the poison but I needed some ingredients to stimulate the reaction. Just so happened that one of the ingredients I needed was a big shock. That's what Donna came up with, on the spot."

Rose made an impressed noise. "Not bad thinking on her part."

"Certainly. Did the trick at any rate. And it was just that because she was my best friend. No romantic interest there on either side, which was a refreshing change of pace."

"Must be nice to get away from companions who want to shag you," she teased. Obviously, she was referring to herself. Had he never told her about Martha? No time like the present, he supposed.

"From you? I didn't mind at all. Loved it, even. But Martha, well…"

"MARTHA?"

"She fancied me. But it was just after I lost you and I was completely wrapped up in myself. At first, I didn't even know how she felt and then later I sort of figured it out but I was embarrassed and, oh Rassilon. I'm amazed she stayed with me as long as she did, actually. I was a right prat with her."

"And she kissed you?"

"Welllll," he said, drawing out the syllable.

"You kissed _her_? Knowing how she felt about you?"

"No, no, no. It was actually when I first met her. And it wasn't like that. It was a biological transfer." He quickly told her about the hospital on the moon and the Judoon. "But yeah, looking back… not my best moment."

"Oh, Doctor." She sounded distinctly aggrieved. "So was that it?"

He made a noise. "There was Joan. Nurse Redfern." He told her about 1913 and the Family hunting him and the chameleon arch and how Martha looked after him and how he had fallen for the matron as a human man.

"Oh, Doctor." This time she sounded sad. "I'm so sorry. How awful for… well, for _both_ of you."

He sighed and held the phone tighter in his hand, wishing it was her. "It was a hard year. I missed you so much. I miss you _now_."

"I miss you too." She paused and he could tell she wanted to say something else. A moment later, she continued and her voice was so low that he had to strain to hear her. "I wish you were here right now."

He was mentally calculating how long it would take him to drive over to the Tyler mansion. "I could-"

"No," she said quickly. "No, it's best that you don't. But I- I would like to see you tomorrow."

He deflated but only a little. At least she wanted to go on another date. That was progress from where this conversation had begun. "How about I pick you up about 11am? We'll make a day of it."

"I can't wait." Transgressions

Chapter Summary

The Doctor has made a huge mistake. He would do anything to take it back. And more than anything else, he needs Rose Tyler to forgive him.

Chapter Notes

Thank you to everyone who has been so patient waiting for an update! I really hope to be able to get this finished soon. This chapter sees the Doctor and Rose having a lovely picnic together and the Doctor does some investigating of his own down at the pub.

SPECIAL_ . /callistawolf/50148366/6428/6428_ -REPLACE_ME

The sun was shining for a welcome change and the temperature was just perfect. It didn't come as a surprise to her then that the Doctor took her for a picnic in the park after picking her up from the Tyler mansion. He always did prefer to be outdoors whenever the weather cooperated. She'd dressed as best as she could, not knowing what they were going to do. In the end, she'd picked out a simple sundress with a coordinating cardigan to wear over it. Walking with the Doctor across the grass of the park, she was glad she'd decided to forgo wearing heels in favor of a simple pair of sandals.

"What's in the basket?" she asked him, nodding her head towards the picnic basket he carried in his hand. His other hand hung limply by his side, nearest her. She wondered if she should grab it and hold it as they always have done but then decided that might be weird. Weird for who? Her? Probably for her. She pushed the idea from her head altogether, not wanting to scar the lovely day with such heavy thoughts.

"Our lunch," he replied, rolling the letters around in that way he had. She rolled her eyes at him, knowing just how much he loved to have her on.

She could have pressed the issue and he probably expected her to, but she dropped it. Soon they arrived at his intended destination, a grassy knoll overlooking the rose garden. The significance of that wasn't lost on her and it was a little on the corny side but she appreciated the affection behind the gesture.

She helped him to spread out a large blanket for them to sit on. She perched on one side and watched as he opened the basket and began to remove the contents. Sandwiches, cheese, fruit, crackers and bottles of water. They tucked into the food, pausing to chat idly about things that didn't matter. They were still dancing around their issues, but right then in the dappled sunlight, she was okay with that. This was about them being comfortable with one another again. It was working too, she could feel herself physically relaxing as the meal drew to a close.

Setting aside her paper plate, she lay back on the blanket, looking up at the sunlight filtering through the leaves over their heads. She closed her eyes, listening to the Doctor tell her about the history of the cheese they just ate and enjoying the rise and fall of his voice as it washed over her. She ceased to even hear his words, to understand them, instead finding herself lost in the sound of him. _This_ was the sound she had missed this last week. Never had she missed a sound more, not even the grinding of the Time Rotor in the TARDIS. She only ever missed _him_.

Rose became aware that he was no longer speaking and she cracked an eye open to look at him. He was staring down at her with such a look of naked emotion in his eyes that her breath caught in her throat.

"What?" she asked, shaken by his expression. She chose to try to lighten the mood. "Do I have food on my face?"

He shook his head, still watching her. "No, you look gorgeous," he said, his voice soft.

She pushed up on her elbows and regarded him. "I should thank you," she began, "for last night. On the phone, when you told me about all the... flirting."

His eyebrows raised, obviously surprised. "Oh?"

"Yes. I appreciate you being honest with me," she explained. "Especially right now, that means a lot to me."

He flushed. "I always want to be honest with you, Rose," he told her.

She believed him. She realized, a little startlingly, that she was well on her way to forgiving him. Perhaps this was just a monumental mistake on his part. Perhaps he was learning from it not to put himself in that situation again. Perhaps she could find herself trusting him again. Maybe she was already trusting him again. Suddenly, she wanted very much to take him in her arms and put this whole thing behind them. She wanted to come home to their flat and make all new memories together.

But she also knew it was a little too soon. She was also unsure how to move forward. Maybe she needed some time alone to think about everything before jumping ahead? Yes, time to think was a good idea, it was the sensible thing to do. She had to handle this smartly, after all.

Still, she wanted very much to kiss him. So she did. She sat up and leaned forward towards him. She studied him briefly, his eyes, his freckles, the curve of his nose, before brushing her lips against his and feeling that familiar electric tingle sizzle through her nervous system at the contact. He was obviously startled by her move and it took him a moment to relax and pull her against him.

She kept the kiss light purposely, not wanting to lose her senses but wanting to enjoy the closeness. He seemed to understand this and followed her lead, never asking for more than she was wanting to give. She loved him a little more for that, in that moment. She stroked at the back of his neck with her fingertips, enjoying the small shudder she felt race through him as a result.

She pulled away after a few moments and smiled at his dazed expression. "What was that for?" he asked, smiling back. "Not that I'm complaining, mind."

She shrugged as casually as she could manage. "I wanted to kiss you."

His grin threatened to split his face and she thrilled at the familiar sight. "Definitely _not_ complaining then!" he enthused.

"So listen," she said, sitting back and stretching her legs out in front of her. "Tomorrow is Sunday, big family supper at Mum and Dad's house. You feel up to it?"

His cheerful expression wavered, but held. "Well, I've already spoken to your mum," he said, rubbing his jaw. She blinked at him. Had her mum gone to see him? Had she slapped him? Not surprising if she had, but she wished that sometimes her mother would be able to stay out of her business. "I suppose it'd be safe enough." He grinned at her again.

"So that's a yes?" she asked, feeling a little surprised. It was _never_ this easy to convince him to go to Sunday dinner. It touched her that he was making such an effort.

"Yes," he murmured, brushing a lock of hair off her forehead with his fingers. "I'll follow you anywhere, Rose."

Later on that night, the Doctor pushed through the doors of the pub he had joined Jake at just a week before. He felt uncomfortable in his own skin, just being there. But he really wanted to get to the bottom of everything and this did seem like the best way to get some answers. He was especially determined, now that it seemed Rose was nearly ready to finally trust him again. Regardless of whether the answers would mean something to her, they would mean something to _him_. She might be ready to forgive him, thinking he'd been unfaithful, but he wasn't sure he could forgive himself. He had to know.

He stepped up to the bar and settled on a stool. He indicated to the barkeep that he wanted a pint of Newcastle before leaning forward to scan the other patrons. He worried for a moment that he wouldn't recognize the girl if he saw her. What if he didn't remember? Perhaps he should have asked Jake to come along. Though maybe he wouldn't remember her either...

A pint of lager was pushed into his hand and he took a gulp before setting it down again. He was about to get up, take his pint and make a circuit around the room to see if anyone looked familiar when he heard a voice at his elbow.

"Well, I didn't think I'd be seeing you back here so soon," the voice said, sounding distinctly feminine and a touch amused.

He swiveled around on his seat to see a young woman with wavy blonde hair and almond shaped green eyes smiling at him. Yes, she did look familiar. This must be her. "Oh! Hello! Are you...?" He trailed off, not sure where to go with that sentence.

She smiled and stuck out a small hand, her fingers bedecked with glittering rings. "Hi! And yes, I am the girl whose bed you passed out on last week," she said, grinning saucily.

He shook her hand, trying not to be too obvious in his perusal of her appearance. She was tall, perhaps an inch or two taller than Rose and sturdy in build. She had a rough look to her, as if she'd seen more than her share of difficulties in her short life. But she also looked friendly and pleasant. She wore simple, casual clothes; jeans and an open necked t-shirt. She let go of his hand and perched on the seat next to him at the bar.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name last week," he told her, shifting his attention back to his pint. He didn't take another drink, but traced a finger through the condensation on the sides instead.

She chuckled, "No, you didn't. It's Gemma. Gemma Williams. And you are?"

"Doctor...er... John. John Smith," he told her, using the name that graced all of his official identification.

"A doctor, eh? Yes, you do look a little more sharp than most of the blokes here," she remarked.

He tried to resist the urge to snort. "So Gemma, I'm sorry for how this sounds... but I'm actually here tonight looking for you. I wanted to ask you some questions... about last Saturday night."

"Oh? What's on your mind?" She signaled the barkeep and ordered her own pint. The barkeep seemed to recognize her, as did most of the other patrons and he figured on her as a regular.

"Well, what I wanted to know is... er... I mean, what I was wondering is..." he stammered. He paused and took a deep breath. "Did we? Together? At your flat?"

He tried a sheepish smile as he watched her eyes widen. But before he could apologize, she started to giggle. "Oh mercy! You thought that we shagged? After the way you got pissed that night?"

The Doctor winced. "Well..."

"Oh honey," she said in a softer tone, laying a hand on his arm. "I can assure, I was the perfect gentle-woman." She winked at him.

He raised an eyebrow, unsure of what to say to that. "Oh... er... uhm..."

"Listen. I may have brought you home with me, hoping to seduce you. But I think you were more pissed than I thought because no sooner had we got there but you started to totter. I was lucky to be able to steer you to the bed before you totally blacked out. I made you comfortable and then ended up spending night on the sofa," she said, ruefully. "You're welcome, by the way."

He flushed. "So, we didn't?"

She shook her head. "No. We didn't. Not that I didn't want to, mind."

He sat back, the relief that was washing over him almost palpable. "Oh, thank Rassilon," he groaned.

Gemma studied him curiously. "Well, you sure know how to flatter a girl. I like to think that I'm not half bad," she said, sounding a touch insulted.

He turned to her then, smiling as charmingly as he could. "Oh, I'm sure you're marvelous, Gemma. But you see... I have a... I have Rose. And you have no idea how horrible I've felt all week thinking that I could have ruined things with her. She means... everything to me," he explained.

She smiled sadly at him before patting his arm and withdrawing her hand. She stood up next to him, obviously ready to retreat. "I should have known. All the cute ones are either gay or taken," she remarked before leaning in and giving him a chaste peck on the cheek. "Good luck with your Rose, John. I can't say I'm not sorry, but I do wish you the best."

"Thanks, Gemma," he told her. "You have no idea."

She smiled again before moving away from the bar and disappearing into the crowd of patrons. He turned back to his pint and drained it in one gulp. He felt bad for Gemma, obviously she had hoped to start something there. But more than anything else he felt fantastic at finally knowing what had happened. He felt vindicated that his belief that he wouldn't ever cheat on Rose was finally proven.

True enough, he was still a right prat for putting himself in this situation at all. Joining the blokes at the pub was fine, but did he have to drink himself into oblivion? Did he not have any better control on himself than that? He was going to have to try much harder in the future, lest next time he not be as lucky. Giving Rose time to cool off from their argument was not a bad idea, but he should have been back at their flat that night, wanting to talk it out. Well, if nothing else, he was learning some major lessons from this whole debacle.

He paid his tab, stood and walked out into the brisk London night, feeling like a new man. Transgressions

Chapter Summary

The Doctor has made a huge mistake. He would do anything to take it back. And more than anything else, he needs Rose Tyler to forgive him.

Chapter Notes

The Doctor steps into the lion's den and goes for supper at the Tyler mansion. Jackie has some advice for him, if he'll listen.

SPECIAL_ . /callistawolf/50148366/6428/6428_ -REPLACE_ME

As he pulled his little roadster into the drive at the Tyler mansion, the Doctor was starting to seriously question his decision to come to dinner with Rose's family. He'd already worked things out with Jackie, for the most part, but there was no guarantee that another slap wasn't waiting for him on the other side of those front doors. Plus, there was Pete. There was no telling what Rose's step-father might be thinking about him right now. The whole evening would likely be completely uncomfortable and stressful and suddenly his nerve was back at the flat in town where he was wishing he was as well.

 _Rose will be there_ , he kept reminding himself. They may still technically be having difficulties but he didn't think she'd completely hang him out to dry either. Plus, there was always Tony. Tony had always adored him and followed him around like a lost puppy when they were over at the mansion. Unless he'd already been warned off the Doctor, surely Tony would be on his side.

He again debated fleeing the scene as he strode up to the doors. One five year old on your side could hardly be considered significant backup.

Pam, one of the loyal staff at the mansion, answered the door and beckoned him to come in. The foyer was empty and quiet. Or at least, it was quiet for all of 6 seconds until Jackie came bustling in.

"There you are, love, I wasn't sure you'd work up the nerve or not," she greeted him. She didn't embrace him like she once had, but she didn't slap him either. He considered that a good sign.

"Well, I rather hoped that you had gotten the slapping out of your system already," he admitted, trying a charming smile on her. It seemed to work as she relaxed a little.

"Rose is upstairs in her room, said she had some Torchwood paperwork to finish up before supper. Why don't you pop in and say hi. The meal will be served in about 15 minutes," she told him, gesturing at the staircase.

He readily leapt at the opportunity, not wanting to put himself into contact with Pete before he absolutely had to. Plus, he wanted to see Rose. This was what he called a win-win situation. "Thanks, Jackie," he said before starting up the stairs to where he knew Rose's room to be.

The door to her room was barely ajar so he nudged it open and poked his head in. He didn't see her at the desk where her laptop sat or lounging on the bed reading files. Perhaps she'd stepped out for a moment. He'd simply wait for her here, better to avoid running into Pete. He entered the room, pulling the door shut behind him, before crossing the room to her bookcase. He'd been in this room many, many times before but he always liked to look over the books and knick knacks Rose had collected and kept here, even after moving to the flat in town.

He heard a noise behind him and turned around to see Rose emerging from the en suite. She was obviously fresh out of the shower, her hair hanging in damp waves around her shoulders, her skin dewy and scrubbed. She was pulling a towel around her body and he caught just the barest glimpse of her skin, uninterrupted, from thigh to shoulder as she pulled the towel closed. She spotted him at just that moment and her mouth fell open in a gasp.

He stared for about 2.6 seconds before he realized he was staring and whirled around to face the wall. "I... uh... I was, uh... your mother said... and I came in... and you were... and then..." he stammered inelegantly, the sight of her skin still flashing in his mind's eye in a way that was completely and utterly distracting.

"Relax, Doctor," she said, sounded decidedly amused, and he could hear her pulling open drawers in her dresser and removing clothes "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

"I know that," he replied, trying to regain his cool. He closed his eyes and remembered the barest hint of the curve of her breast as the towel was drawn across...

There was silence as he listened to the soft sounds of her dressing behind his back. He felt such a surge of arousal that it surprised him with it's intensity. It had now been over a week since their row and over a week since they'd last made love. They hadn't gone this long since before they started sleeping together, three months ago. It called him to mind of the weeks leading up to that brilliant first time. The sexual tension between them back then had been off the charts. He'd thought it had been bad back when they'd traveled together on the TARDIS but the reality of his very human hormones had added something completely new to the mix. Suddenly, his self control was very, very much in question.

When the walls had finally come tumbling down three months ago, when they'd finally given in to what was building between them, it had been _incredible_. He hadn't known he could feel desire like that and finally making love to Rose had been more than he ever could have imagined. He'd been nearly bursting that night and was more than a little startled to find himself nearly to that point here again, after only a week.

The thing was, he knew he could go to likely any pub in the city, in the _country,_ and find someone who would be willing to help him relieve his urges. He was sure enough of his charm and good looks to know that. He was also just rude enough to think it, but he had enough humility to know better than to admit such a thing out loud to other people. The one time he had told Rose that he knew he was sexy in this body, she had laughed so hard at him she couldn't speak for ten full minutes. The point was, he could probably have nearly had any woman he wanted, whenever he wanted. But he didn't.

Because when he thought about shagging someone, he thought about shagging _Rose_. It was her hair that he pictured spread out on the pillow, her eyes gazing into his as he touched her, her mouth falling open, her scent, her taste...

This wasn't helping his arousal situation at all.

"I'm impressed you came," Rose said, breaking the silence. He turned then, and saw she was finished dressing. He felt a little relief to be out of the uncomfortable situation but he felt even more disappointment at not getting another look at her amazing skin. She was dressed comfortably in a pair of worn jeans and a loose henley and he found that, no, it didn't matter if she was dressed or not. She still look good enough to eat.

"Wha-" he asked, feeling dazed. Did she just say what he thought she said?

"To supper? At my parents' house? Into the lion's den and all of that? I'm very impressed. And thank you. It means alot that you're here," she said. "I know this can't be easy or comfortable for you."

"Well," he said, tugging on his ear, "I'll do anything you want me to do, Rose. You know that."

She smiled at him, crossing the room to stand in front of him. "I know. I appreciate that, I really do."

"I miss you," he told her, unable to keep himself from reaching out and touching her chin with his index finger.

"I miss you, too," she breathed, stepping closer.

So close. All he had to do was bend down, tilt his head and capture her lips with his. His gaze flicked to her mouth and he watched as her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. He reached back to twine her fingers into the hair at the base of her head and was just dipping his head down when...

"Rose! Doctor! Supper is ready!" Jackie's shrill voice cut through the silence and they leapt apart like a pair of guilty teenagers.

She grinned at him and he grinned back. Best not to keep Jackie waiting, else she might come looking for them. But he found, as they left the room and walked down the stairs together, that he was very much looking forward to the day when he wouldn't have to steal any more moments with her. He looked forward to the day when she would give him the moments freely.

Dinner was just about as awkward as he'd expected it would be. Still, it appeared that maybe Jackie had urged Pete to lay off some. Instead of lectures or even a punch in the face, he received a series of hard looks. Certainly, the glares were easier to handle but they weren't doing any favors for his nerves.

Thankfully, Rose and Jackie kept up the small talk and Tony managed to distract everyone by stuffing peas up his nose partway through the meal. He also found new and more inventive ways to avoid meeting Pete's eyes during the meal as well, studying everything else in the room with feigned interest.

He breathed a sigh of relief when the meal was over and even leapt up to help Jackie clear the table. However, as they carried plates back into the kitchen to be washed, Jackie cornered him against the counter next to the fridge. He swallowed nervously. Maybe he was going to get that slap after all.

"So what's your plan?" she asked, not bothering with any preamble.

"Uh... plan?" He ran his hand through his hair nervously. No one told him there was going to be a quiz.

Jackie rolled her eyes. "With Rose. When are you going to convince her to come back to the flat? I've seen her here, I know she wants to go home."

"I'm not going to force her to come home, Jackie. That has to be her decision. I'm happy to have her back whenever she's ready." He paused, scratching at his neck awkwardly. "I miss her like crazy. I'd bring her back tonight if I could."

She smiled at him sympathetically. "I'm glad to hear that. You haven't given up on her and I don't thinks she's given up on you." Her expression changed a little as she watched him, hardened a little. "Just... why did you have to do it in the first place? What were you thinking?"

He blew out a sigh. He might as well tell her. "I didn't, Jackie."

"What do you mean, you 'didn't'?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "What are you on about now?"

"I mean, I talked to Jake and then I went to the pub and found the... the girl. I didn't cheat on Rose, Jackie. I just... got too drunk and passed out," he explained, feeling embarrassed.

Jackie gaped at him, a slow smile dawning. "That's fantastic, Doctor! Have you told Rose? She's probably up in her room, packing her bag right now!"

He shook his head. "No, I haven't and it's not that simple. It's not just what she thinks I did, it's that she thinks I could do something like that. I lost her trust and I have to earn that back."

"Tell her!" she urged. "That will help her trust you, I know it will!"

"I want to earn her trust the right way, Jackie. I don't want her to think that I'm saying this just to get her to come back home. I want her to believe me. I will tell her, but I want her to come home first," he told her.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Bloody stubborn alien," she muttered. "I hope you know what you're doing."

He chuckled in spite of himself. "I hope I do too."

"I'm glad though," she said, eyeing him with a considering expression. Something he saw in her eyes was akin to fondness. He was once again reminded that Jackie was his family now and he felt a warmth spread through him at the thought. "I'm glad that you didn't cheat. Honestly, I had a hard time believing that you would. I know how much you love my daughter, how much you've always loved her."

He flushed and ducked his head bashfully. "Thanks, Jackie. I'm glad too, and for the same reasons. I knew I wouldn't consciously ever do something like that. Rose... she's my life," he admitted.

Jackie pulled him into an unexpected hug. "You daft man. Don't give her too much room, okay?"

He nodded as she pulled back and then left the kitchen. He remained in the kitchen a moment longer, thinking. Jackie seemed to think he should tell Rose, but he didn't want to make it seem like he wasn't... what? Contrite? He was in danger of forgetting what the point of all this was, he thought. He was desperate to prove to her that he was, in fact, hers. If he told her what he'd learned now, what if she thought he was just saying that to get her back home?

A theme of choice, particularly _Rose's choice_ , had permeated their relationship here on Pete's World from the very start. As a Time Lord, he had been accustomed to making all the decisions, for better or for worse. Rose had never agreed with that, not from the start. And then with both of them being left on the beach by his double... that had broken Rose's heart. That final removal of her _choice_ had been a particularly cruel move on his part. Now, that he was here in this world with her for the rest of their lives together, he vowed not to remove her choice again. Not if he could help it, at least. In this case? He could help it.

Rose wandered into the kitchen and came up to him, smiling. "Mum didn't yell at you, did she? I didn't see any flames coming out the door," she said, her eyes twinkling.

He grinned at her. "No yelling. Just some... erm... advice," he said, picking his words carefully.

"You? Taking advice from my mum? I need to write this down!" she exclaimed.

He poked her in the ribs and she folded in on herself, giggling. She walked him out to his car, he was anxious both to get away while the getting was good and to get to bed early in light of tomorrow being an early morning at school. He breathed a sigh of relief once out in the fresh air, having made it through the evening. Rose looked happy, and that was why he'd done it.

"Will I see you again soon?" she asked and he was stunned. She was wanting to see him. Maybe Jackie was right, maybe he didn't want to wait too long to push with her.

"Is tomorrow too soon?" he replied, leaning close to her.

She shook her head and her smile was almost shy. "I'll be in touch," she murmured.

"Sounds good," he said quietly and bent his head to brush his lips against hers. He kept the contact light, not wanting to press her for too much and not wanting to excite himself too much when he knew he had to release her and return home alone.

But he knew, feeling her exhale against his mouth and grab ahold of his arm, that he didn't want to wait much longer before he had her back with him where she belonged. Transgressions

Chapter Summary

The Doctor has made a huge mistake. He would do anything to take it back. And more than anything else, he needs Rose Tyler to forgive him.

Chapter Notes

Rose can't sleep and gets some late night advice. Will this help her find the answer that she's been looking for?

SPECIAL_ . /callistawolf/50148366/6428/6428_ -REPLACE_ME

The house was dark and quiet, any noise she made as she padded from her room and down the stairs amplified and echoing in the dark of the night. Shadows thrown by the moonlight streaming through windows gave the house a very creepy look. Rose knew she should have been asleep hours ago but instead had spent those hours tossing and turning in her bed. Her mind had refused to settle down and let her sleep, images of the Doctor had cascaded through her consciousness, keeping her awake. The dinner with her family that night had not been at all calming, but had brought all the tensions that had been building between them over the last week to the surface.

She'd finally given up on trying to sleep and was making her way to the kitchen to fetch a glass of milk and a biscuit to nibble on. Maybe the late night snack would help her settle down enough to get some rest. After all, she did have to be at work in the morning and it wouldn't do to be asleep on her feet.

She poured the milk and retrieved a fresh pack of biscuits from the cupboard. Perched on a stool next to the island, she munched thoughtfully. She missed him. She knew she missed him badly and she could tell that he missed her too. Rose didn't want to lose sight of why she was staying here at her parents home, but she was quickly running out of reasons for staying away. Her instinct told her to trust him, was _screaming_ at her to trust him. She knew he did not want to ever hurt her and that he loved her. It was a stupid mistake, an error in judgement. Didn't everyone have those? Hadn't _she_ herself had those?

Rose knew she was hardly perfect. Guilt washed over her as she recalled her handling of Mickey and their relationship those many years ago when she had first traveled with the Doctor. Their admittedly casual relationship had been over from the moment she'd taken the Doctor's hand, yet she had kept Mickey in the wings, unwilling to let him go. That had been cruelly unfair of her and she'd known it at the time. It was a mistake she wished more than anything that she could go back and fix. She imagined that's much how the Doctor felt about this whole mess. Was it fair for her to continue punishing him like this? She wished there were someone who could give her some easy answers.

If she'd had more of a sense of irony, she would have laughed when her mother stepped in the kitchen a moment later, flicking on the overhead light. She was wrapped in her dressing gown, her hair mussed from sleep, her eyes blinking blearily at the light.

"What're you doing up, sweetheart? And sitting in the dark to boot?" she asked, crossing the room to her side. "I heard noises down here and thought it was my imagination."

"Can't sleep," Rose explained, twirling a biscuit in her fingers idly.

Her mum perched on a stool next to her and touched her arm gently. "Is it the Doctor?"

She nodded. She'd learned long ago that trying to hide the truth from her mum was a fruitless endeavor. "I don't know what I should do, Mum," she said miserably.

"You love him, yes? You miss him?"

"Yes," she whispered. "More than anything." A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped at it absently.

"Rose, I can't bear to see you so upset. And he's upset too. I talked to him, earlier tonight. Cornered him, rather," she said and then paused, biting at her lip as if unsure whether to continue. "He told me something."

She had no idea what her mother was getting at and wasn't even sure she wanted to try to puzzle it out. "What did he tell you?" she asked, because she knew her mum expected her to.

"He told me that he had found out what really happened that night. At the pub. He'd gone down there himself to get some answers."

Rose rolled her eyes. "So he, what, gave you _details_?" She groaned. "If so, please, keep it to yourself."

"Oi!," her mother barked and Rose jolted unconsciously. "No, he didn't give me details. Rose, I'm trying to tell you something _important_."

She snapped her mouth shut so that her teeth clicked. Her mother was obviously serious about this and hadn't Rose just wished for someone to help her figure this out? She gestured for her to continue.

"He found the girl that he thought... well, you know. Turns out, he didn't sleep with her after all. Not at all. He just passed out in her apartment."

Rose blinked. Of all the things she'd expected her mother to say, that hadn't been anywhere near the top of the list. He... hadn't? What? Why hadn't _he_ told her this? Questions swirled around her mind at lightning speed. "What? He... He told you this?"

Her mum nodded. "Tonight, after dinner. I sort of dragged it out of him. He doesn't want to tell you, he doesn't want you to think he's trying to influence your trust in him."

She made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. "Bloody frustrating alien," she muttered. "Of course he should have told me. This makes a huge difference!"

And it did. He hadn't slept with someone else! An enormous weight felt like it was being lifted off her shoulders. She knew the central issue here was her trust in him, but she had to admit that knowing he hadn't shared that level of intimacy with someone else put her fears to rest like nothing else could. He'd said he didn't think he could do that to her and he hadn't. That had to mean something, right?

"Oh, Mum," she finally managed, her voice shaking. Her mum stood from her stool and wrapped her arms around her in a warm hug. She rubbed her back soothingly as Rose cried. It felt like... catharsis. When she was spent, her mother drew back and looked her in the eye.

"So what are you going to do about it?" she asked pointedly.

"I... I need to talk to him. I need to see him," she murmured, her mind racing. "I want to go home."

Her mother smiled at her then. "Good," she said. "That's what I was hoping to hear."

Rose laughed shakily, hardly able to believe the turn the night had taken. "Thanks, Mum," she said.

She patted her arm and turned to leave the kitchen. "Now that that's settled, I'm going back to bed. You get yourself to bed too, young lady."

"I'm right behind you," she assured her, feeling lightheaded still.

As she climbed the stairs a few minutes later, she wanted nothing more than to call the Doctor right then and ask him to come pick her up. She wanted to see him so badly, to talk to him and to hug him...

But it was the middle of the night and he had to be at school in the morning. If she saw him now, there'd be no hope of rest for either of them. At least, she hoped there wouldn't. She did want to talk to him but there were other things she admittedly wanted to do as well. She couldn't help but think back on the moment this afternoon when he'd seen her coming out of the ensuite clad in only a towel. She flushed as she remembered his stare. Yes, he'd probably want to do those _other things_ too.

She settled into her bed, pulling up the duvet and trying her best to settle herself down. The Doctor hadn't cheated and he hadn't told her that he knew this. She felt she knew him well enough by now to know that it was because he was concerned with her feeling that he was pushing her. She appreciated that, she really did. She knew he wanted her to feel comfortable with him on her own. While she wished he'd told her this himself, she felt she could appreciate why he hadn't. They definitely needed to talk. She'd call him tomorrow. She would go home to their flat after work. As excited as she was about the prospect, the relief of finally knowing what to do soothed her and she could feel the tendrils of sleep finally reaching up to claim her.

The Doctor watched the last of the students file out of the classroom for their lunch break before opening his briefcase and removing the sandwich he'd thrown together before leaving the flat that morning. It was just butter and jam, nothing terribly exciting and not near as lovely as the sandwiches Rose would always make him. He washed down a bite with some rapidly cooling tea from his commuter mug and felt very sorry for himself. Still, he knew he was doing the right thing by not pushing too fast with Rose. Wasn't he?

As if in answer, his mobile began to vibrate across his desk and the distinctive jingle he had set to indicate a call from Rose began to echo through the empty room. He dropped his sandwich in his haste to grab at the jittering phone, fumbling his fingers on the touch screen as he tried to answer it.

"Hello?" he yelped and then cursed himself for the desperate sound to his voice.

"Doctor? It's Rose," she said, her voice sounding almost as breathless as his. His eyes slid closed at the sound and he tried to imagine her sitting at her desk at Torchwood.

"Rose," he murmured and tried to get a grip on himself. How could just the sound of her voice be having this reaction on him? "How are you?"

"'M fine," she said. "I... I was hoping we could talk. Not right now, but... maybe later?"

His heart leapt into his chest. "Yes, yes we can talk. Where? When? Name the place and I'm there."

There was a slight pause and he worried that maybe he'd startled her with his eagerness. "I was thinking... maybe I could come home. Tonight?"

His mouth went utterly dry. The first thing that raced through his mind was the idea of Rose finally coming home and how it was everything he'd been hoping for for over a week now. The second thing he thought was why on Earth did it sound like she asking for his _permission_?

'Yes, Rose. Oh, Rassilon, you don't have to _ask_. Yes, please come home!" he told her and was rewarded with the sound of her nervous giggling.

"Okay. I'll come there when I get off work then," she said, sounding more like herself. "And we can talk."

He nodded before he remembered she couldn't see the gesture. "That sounds brilliant. I can pick us up some of your favorite take away. That way neither of us has to cook or anything we can just concentrate on... on talking," he suggested. Oh, he was going to have work on reining in his eagerness before she got home or he was going to scare her off completely. Talking. That's all, there was no guarantee that she was forgiving him. There was no reason to be getting his hopes up so high. But, Rassilon help him, his hopes were already up. So high.

"That sounds perfect," she replied and he could hear her smile He couldn't wait to see it as well. "I'll see you after 5 sometime?"

"Yes," he said. "I'm already looking forward to it."

They hung up and he retrieved his battered sandwich. He chewed it without really tasting it as thoughts of Rose and her coming home played through his mind. He would see where she stood, if she was ready to forgive him. He would not push her, he would let her decide. If she was ready, then he'd tell her what he'd learned about that night. He had to play this cool.

He missed her so much it hurt. It had only been a week and it _hurt_. How had he ever survived those years without her before she found her way back to him? It boggled his mind to think of that separation now, but he knew at the time it had hurt just as much. He'd done everything he could to distract himself. New companions, new adventures. Never sitting still, never dwelling. Now, his life was nothing but sitting still and dwelling. The Doctor wondered for a moment what his other self was doing in that other universe. How the full Time Lord Doctor was dealing with the separation from Rose, knowing once and for all that it was for good. In that moment, his heart ached for that man.

He really was the lucky one. This was the adventure he'd never thought he'd be able to have. He owed it, not just to Rose, but to that other _him_ to never take this life for granted and to never be so careless again. His mind began to race through possibilities and he checked the time on the clock mounted above the door to his classroom. A little over three more hours until school let out for the day, 5 more hours until Rose would be home. He wouldn't have much time but then, he didn't think he needed much. Whether or not tonight was the best timing for this new plan of his didn't really matter. He wanted to be prepared, however. You never knew when the future would come knocking on your door, after all. Chapter 9

Chapter Summary

And with this chapter, Transgressions is done! I had originally planned to make this two chapters but I went for one big one instead. Thank you to everyone who has been so patient with me through this and waiting for my sporadic updates! I'm still not 100% happy with it, I think overall the fic is a little uneven and if I had it to do over, there's quite a few things I would do differently. But oh well! Onwards and upwards!

Big thanks to who in whoville and kelkat9 for their beta work and as always, to six for her gorgeous banner!

SPECIAL_ . /callistawolf/50148366/6428/6428_ -REPLACE_ME

The Doctor made it home just after 5pm. His errands had taken him a little longer than he'd anticipated. He'd mustered up his nerve and spoken on the phone to Pete after talking to Rose earlier so at least he'd gotten that out of the way. He set the Chinese takeout he'd picked up on the counter that separated the kitchen from the dining area and did a quick perusal of the flat. He picked up a few of his things that he'd left scattered here and there. The flat wasn't perhaps as neat as it would be under Rose's influence, but it didn't look awful. He pushed his hands into his pockets and felt the box there. That was for later. Much later. Provided everything else turned out the way he was hoping that it would.

He grabbed the bunch of daisies he'd picked up from the street vendor and put them in a small vase, filling it with water. He set the vase in the middle of the dining table, next to the bottle of wine he'd purchased. He worked the bottle opener, leaving the bottle to breathe while he retrieved a couple of wine glasses from the cabinet in the kitchen. Then, he set some plates and utensils down on the table so that everything would be ready for them to eat. Once everything was ready, he found himself with an abundance of nervous energy and no outlet to expel it.

He caught himself pacing and sat on the couch in an effort to keep still. He was nervous, sure. Was Rose coming home to stay or just to talk? And if she was coming just to talk, how could he convince her to stay? He wasn't entirely sure that he could let her leave again after having her here where she belonged again. He missed her so much that he was sure that even his teeth ached with it.

He heard a key jiggling in the lock and jumped to his feet. A moment later, Rose was stepping over the threshold, pulling her suitcase in after her. She was wearing her work clothes, a silky looking blouse and a sensible pencil skirt. She looked, simply put, amazing. The sight caused him to expel a sigh of relief a moment before he darted forward to help her. He took the suitcase and set it next to the door.

"Hello," he greeted, unable to keep a grin off of his face.

"Hi," she replied and her smile relaxed him even further. He took a chance and reached out to pull her into a hug. Her arms reached around his waist, holding him close to her and his relief was palpable. He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply and vowing that he would never take this for granted.

"Are you here to stay?" he asked quietly, not letting go just yet.

"Yes, I am," she said, "I never want to leave again."

He pulled back, smiling. "That's good, brilliant, molto bene! Best news I've heard in a long time! I mean...uh... let me get your suitcase out of the way and you can...you know, make yourself comfortable. I'll be back in just a tick!" he babbled and carried her suitcase back to their bedroom. His heart was racing. She wanted to stay, she had said she was going to stay. He wanted to reassure her, to let her know how much having her here, in his life, meant to him. He had to be careful though, he didn't want to overwhelm her or scare her off.

The Doctor came back out of the bedroom and found her standing at the dining table. She was holding a glass of wine in her hand and looking at the daisies with a small smile on her beautiful face.

"Those are for you," he told her, and then added, "by the way."

Rose turned her head to smile at him and the sight of that familiar grin warmed him. "Thank you," she said, stroking along a petal with her fingertip.

"Erm... are you hungry?" he asked, suddenly feeling nervous and shy. "I have some Chinese takeout for us."

She nodded and moved to the kitchen to help him retrieve the food. He held up a hand though, stopping her. "Let me get it," he suggested. "You have a seat." He pulled out a chair and she settled on it, giggling a little.

"Such service!" she exclaimed. "A girl could get used to this."

He grinned to himself as he rushed to the kitchen. He wanted her to get used to it, he wanted to spoil her, to make it plain to her that he thought she was worth spoiling. She put up with a lot from him, after all. Grabbing the boxes of takeout, he then retrieved some serving spoons from the utensil drawer and returned to the table quickly, brandishing the food before him like he was a conquering hero.

"Ta da!" he announced. "It's not much, but I made sure that I got your favorites."

Her eyes twinkled. "Even the sweet and sour chicken?" she asked, her tone teasing him. Rassilon, how he missed her teasing him.

"Yes, even that. I still don't understand how you can like the combination of sweet and sour at the same time but I'll overlook it this once," he said, setting the boxes down and pretending to suppress a shudder. He opened up each box in turn, sticking a spoon into them for easy serving.

They tucked into the food, chatting amiably about their day just like they always used to. It made his single heart twinge for a moment, wishing that they could just continue like this as if nothing had happened. Still, he knew that avoiding the issue was a bad idea in the long run and it would be much better for them to clear this air sooner rather than later.

"I'm so glad you've decided to come home, Rose," he told her, setting down his fork. He cleared his throat nervously. "But can I ask what changed your mind?"

She looked like she was considering her answer. Her teeth tugged endearingly on her lower lip for a moment. "Well, for one thing, I missed you," she admitted, peeking up at him.

He smiled, feeling his heart clench. "I missed you too," he said honestly. "So much."

Her cheeks pinked prettily. "But mostly, I thought it would be better for us to talk about things, rather than hide from them," she continued. "Don't you agree?"

"I do agree," he said, his voice low. "But I didn't want to push you until you were ready. I was willing to wait as long as you wanted."

"I know, and I really do appreciate that," she replied. "You didn't want to force my choice and... that means a lot to me."

He got up out of his chair and held out his hand for her. She took the hand and got to her feet next to him. He led her over to the sofa in the living room and they sat down next to each other.

"Rose, I'm so sorry I ever gave you a moments reason to doubt how I feel about you. Or about how I feel about us," he told her, still holding her hand and rubbing his thumb over the skin on the back of her hand gently. "You're the only woman for me. You always have been. Now and forever."

She was watching him and her expression was tender. "I know, Doctor, and I feel the same way. S'just you and me now, yeah? One life, together?"

Her words warmed him in a way the wine he'd just drank with their meal couldn't. It was an echo of what had been said on that beach so long ago and it made him wonder if tonight wasn't the best night to ask her the question he had on his mind after all...

"That's right," he returned softly. He knew now was the time to tell her what he knew. She'd come back to their flat and she seemed to have forgiven him. Perhaps now he could tell her about Gemma without it feeling too much like he was trying to steer her feelings. "I have something I want to tell you, Rose."

"Is it about the girl from the pub and how you didn't really sleep with her?" Rose asked casually.

The Doctor blinked at her. "Wha- How did you know about that?" He was stunned and stared at her, amazed.

She shrugged a little. "Mum told me. Last night. And when she told me, that's when I realized that I didn't really care anymore. Not really. Not so much that I wouldn't ever want to be with you."

Of course, Jackie has spilled the beans. He should have known. The Doctor swallowed. "Rose, I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you sooner. I only found out for sure myself just the other day," he admitted. "I didn't want you to-"

"Shh," she said, cutting him off. "I know why you didn't tell me. I understand completely why you didn't. I wish you had, but I appreciate your reasons."

"How do you know my reasons if I never got to tell you them?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, smiling now. The relief he felt crashing through him was overwhelming. She knew and she was here and she understood him!

She grinned back at him. "I think I know you by now, Doctor. I know how your mind works. It's how I know that you wouldn't ever consciously cheat on me, too. I _know_ you."

He stared at her in wonder. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but words would not escape. How did she do that? How did she always know exactly the right thing to say and how did she always manage to see deeper inside him than he could see himself? If he'd had any doubt before then that Rose and he were meant to be, it would have been sufficiently laid to rest. She was his match only a fool could have turned his back on her. He pushed thoughts of the Time Lord out of his mind as he pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her so that his hands nearly touched his own ribs. She was here now, with him. That was the most important thing.

He wasn't sure when he began shaking, but he became aware of it when she drew back and looked at him with her brow furrowed. She laid a hand on the side of his face and leaned forward to kiss him tenderly. Before he could lean forward and deepen the contact, she pulled back. "Doctor, it's okay," she said softly, trying to reassure him.

He took a deep breath but he could still feel the shaking, down into his soul. "Rose, it's just... I _need_ you," he told her, his voice breaking. He saw a tear slip down her cheek and he brushed at it with his thumb before he bent down and kissed her, pouring into it all of his love and emotion. He felt desperate, needing her and wanting her and having to have her there with him, now and forever. She returned the embrace, her hands caressing him and holding him and telling him that she was there and she wasn't leaving.

He eased back with no small amount of effort and looked into her eyes. "Bedroom?" he asked, barely caring at how hopeful his voice sounded. He was still shaking, he could see his hand trembling as he reached up to run his fingers through the strands of her hair.

She nodded, her skin flushed and her eyes dark. She stood up and reached out a hand for him which he gladly took. They walked together back to their room, a room they hadn't shared in over a week and it didn't seem like a long time but it had felt like an eternity to him. Rose, for her part, didn't even look around the room as they entered. She only had eyes for him. She kept her eyes on him as she reached down and began to slowly unbutton her blouse, starting at the top and working her way down. His eyes were riveted to the movement of her fingers, drinking in each inch of skin as it was slowly revealed.

He finally realized that maybe he should be doing something about his own attire and began to unbutton his shirt as well. His fingers moved much more swiftly than hers and soon he was shrugging out of the oxford and letting it drop carelessly to the floor behind him. As he tugged his vest over his head, she began to work the fastenings on the pencil skirt she was wearing, wiggling her hips as she shimmied out of it. It pooled on the floor at her feet and she stepped out it nimbly, leaving her in only her knickers, bra and the heels she'd worn to work that day. His mouth was suddenly dry as he stared at her, his fingers still on the button of his trousers.

She grinned at him, that grin of hers that he loved so much, as she stepped forward and brushed his hands aside. He left them fall to his sides while she went to work on his trousers. He kept his eyes on her, the determined set of her jaw and the subtle rise and fall of her breasts, enticingly encased in satin and lace. He ached to touch her, to taste her, but kept still while she finished undressing him.

She nudged him to the edge of the bed and he sat while she kneeled before him to remove his shoes and socks before pulling his trousers and pants all the way off. Her eyes caught his as she ran her hands up his legs, tickling his leg hair as she made her way to his groin and the undeniable evidence of his arousal there. He couldn't breathe for a moment, caught up in the anticipation.

But he wanted this evening to go a little differently. He reached down, taking her hands in his and pulling her up. He wrapped his arms around her back and turning, he swept her underneath him. She giggled breathlessly and squirmed into the middle of the bed. He chased after her, kissing up her leg and paying extra attention to the skin on the inside of her left knee. Her giggles turned to gasps as he licked a line up from her knee. Her gasps turned into something else altogether when he reached that spot between her legs that he loved so very much. Slowly, he drew down her knickers until he could toss them back over his shoulder in the general direction of his oxford. He gripped her hips with his hands, holding her and pulling her forward and closer to him. He blew a cool breath across her folds, enjoying the way she tried to writhe in his grasp.

He bent his head forward and proceeded to worship her the way he'd wanted to for the last week, the way she deserved. He licked a long line from her opening to her clit and as he did, he savored her intoxicating scent and her exquisite taste. There was nothing else in all of time and space quite like Rose Tyler. He was dimly aware of her cries becoming sharper as he devoted himself to the task before him. He studied her; inside and out, stroking and nipping and teasing and relishing. It wasn't long before he realized her thighs were trembling in a telltale manner. She was close.

"Come for me, Rose," he murmured, his voice dark. He concentrated his attentions on her clit; circling, sucking and then in a flash, she stiffened and began to convulse in his grasp. He lapped at her, taking in her release, moaning over the pure pleasure of it. He brought her down slowly, extending her orgasm as long as he could.

He moved up her body as she came back to herself and looked into her eyes before dipping his head and kissing her deeply, languorously. He wanted her to taste herself on his tongue and realize just how magnificent she really was. She groaned into his mouth and he stroked his tongue over hers more insistently. She arched her back beneath him, pressing her breasts into his chest and he felt like he was being set on fire from the contact. He felt her reach between their bodies to stroke at his erection and now he was groaning into her mouth. He broke the kiss, gasping for air and resting his head on her shoulder as she stroked him with her hot, little hand.

"Rose," he choked out, willing his restraint into being. He had wanted to draw this out, to make it more amazing for her but he found that his control was slipping rather precariously. He couldn't wait much longer. "Please... I... need you."

"Yes," she whispered, shifting underneath him. He reached down and replaced her hand with his own, guiding his tip to her entrance. On a deep sigh, he pushed forward into her wet, welcoming warmth.

"Bloody fantastic," he groaned, stilling himself for a moment to gather his wits. She laughed breathlessly underneath him, pulling her legs up over his hips and stroking the back of his legs with her feet.

"I love you," she murmured, touching his face and kissing his ear with such tenderness that he felt like he might break apart from the beauty of it.

"I love you, too," he returned, his voice trembling. He began to move, very slowly at first so that they could both feel each pull and push. It wasn't long until Rose was shaking, grabbing at his arms and digging her nails in.

"Oh... please..." she begged, reaching down to grab at his arse. It was a gesture he recognized and he knew she needed him to move faster and harder; she was quickly coming undone beneath him once more. He was more than happy to oblige as he let go of that last shred of self control he'd been clinging to. He took ahold of her leg and pulled it up past his elbow and began to plunge in and out of her with renewed vigor.

Her gasps quickly turned to cries and her nails now dug into his arse. She begged still, louder and he no longer moved with intent but by instinct. He could hear his own voice joining Rose's, echoing around the room as they hurtled towards release together. He reached down and thumbed quickly at her clit and she flew apart beneath him. Her release, stunning as it was, triggered his own and he was helpless to do anything but follow her down into oblivion.

The Doctor woke some time later, his face full of blonde hair and his limbs tangled together with Rose's. They'd both drifted off to sleep, wrapped up in one another, clinging to each other almost in desperation. He blinked his eyes open, brushing her hair down and away and smiling at the way she unconsciously snuggled closer to him.

He'd been lucky enough to get her back. He didn't ever want to come that close to losing her again. Rose was his world and she'd been his world for a lot longer than the 6 months they'd been here in this parallel world together. He hadn't always been very good at recognizing how important she was to him, but he wanted to spend the rest of this human life he'd been given showing her.

Rose stretched, arching against him. He smiled as her head came up and she met his eyes. She grinned, her tongue touching the corner of his smile and he couldn't help but grin back. "Thank you," he told her, his voice rough from spent passion and sleep.

"For what?" she asked, amused.

He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "For you," he replied simply. She smiled, her eyes warming.

She readjusted herself so she could look at him without having to twist her neck. She stroked his chest idly, her fingertips playing with the sparse hair there. "Do you even remember what we'd been fighting about?" she asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Of course, he did remember. But he did still possess that Time Lord brain. He could remember 900 years, so last week was really no big deal. Still, he had a feeling that she meant more by her question than just wondering if he remembered the fight.

"I do, actually," he said, picking his words carefully. "It was Torchwood. I've always been nervous, you working for them. I've always said you're jeopardy friendly. I didn't want you to go on a mission one day and never return home. I was scared. And then, you got cleared for off-planet missions..."

She continued to stroke his chest. "I knew you were worried," she told him quietly. "I shouldn't have thrown it in your face, accused you of being jealous."

"But I _was_ jealous, Rose," he insisted. "Not of you getting to go off-planet, but of Torchwood getting to have those adventures with you. Without me."

A light dawned on her face at his words. "Oh," she breathed. "That makes more sense. Oh, Doctor. I hate the thought of going out there without you. As much as I want to go, I don't want to go without you."

"I'm happy being a teacher," he replied, hoping she understood. "I've never wanted to work for Torchwood. But this whole development... it made me wonder if I made the right choice, not working for Torchwood when Pete offered me the job."

"Maybe... maybe we could talk to Pete. See about getting you set up with some sort of consulting position? You could still be a teacher, but we could make sure that you get to go on all the off-planet missions with me," she suggested. "I know Pete would be thrilled to have you there, you could help us so much with everything you already know."

He lay his head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. It was such a perfect, simple solution that he couldn't imagine not having thought of it before. "That would... Rose, that would be _perfect_ ," he said. He face loomed into his field of vision as she rose up over him. She was smiling, tears sparkling in her eyes. "You really think Pete will go for it?" he added.

She nodded. "I really do," she answered and then pressed her lips to his for a quick kiss. "Oh, Doctor. I do love you."

"And I do love you too," he murmured, leaning up to capture her lips with his, this time cradling the back of her head in his hand and deepening the kiss.

She seemed to want take control and this time he let her. As she peppered his face and neck and chest with kisses, he thought again about how lucky he really was. He never wanted to lose sight of that fact. As Rose caressed and kissed at his stomach, he thought of the small box in the pocket of his trousers. He hoped she would like the ring he'd picked out that afternoon for her at the jewelers. Even more, he hoped that she would say yes when he asked her to be his wife. He'd meant to ask her after they'd finished dinner and had their talk, but they'd both been suitably distracted. Perhaps he'd ask her in the morning, over breakfast in bed. He could make her waffles, her favorite. He thought she might say yes. He couldn't _wait_ to hear her say yes.

He loved his new human life and he wouldn't ever change a thing about it.


End file.
